Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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