She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize