highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
