i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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