Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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