She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Blood and glitter go together right?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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