I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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