well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
