bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i dont even know how to be here
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Randomize
