Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
