I could have mohawked her pubes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
