you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize