Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
