We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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