If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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