Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
