I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
