Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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