I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
