new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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