You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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