That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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