Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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