Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
