i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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