what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
