I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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