so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
