I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
