I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
