Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize