She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
