you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
