Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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