We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize