Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
