would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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