and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
