As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
