After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
