No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
