I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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