What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
