like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize