What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
