she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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