Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
