WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
