It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
