Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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