Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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