just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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