Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
50% drunk capacity currently
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
