Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
