I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
