So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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