Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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