Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
