Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
