I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
love makes seman taste better
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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