i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
