I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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