I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
