I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
