this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
