Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
