we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
