the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So vagazzling was a success
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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