So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
