he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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