Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
