You can't motorboat a personality
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
