Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if i died would you start the facebook group?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
