Swine flu. Run for my life!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
