well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
