I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
