He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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