my being single is dangerous.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
