my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
