i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
