What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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