and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
