I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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