I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
