Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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