At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
