can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize