Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
