good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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