Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
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