Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
