the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
