No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
In America we eat man semen.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
