my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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